IELTS ESSAY CORRECTION – 2nd Revision

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.

 

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

 

With an increasing number of crimes in present society, the topic of how to punish criminals draws

people’s attention. Some people suggest that law offenders deserve fixed punishments for any kind

of crimes whereas others claim that punishments should be decided in accordance with different

criminal circumstances.

 

There is no doubt that fixed punishments are time-saving for certain types of crimes, like theft and

robbery. These cases are frequent (NOT REQUIRED to happen), the police do not have enough time to investigate every single case. In contrast, law enforcement agencies follow fixed punishments directly when these cases happen, which allows them to spend more time on other more important cases. Secondly, these punishments serve a deterrent to prevent potential law offenders from committing a crime. For example, robbery in Hong Kong can be punished with a prison sentence of at least 2 years, which makes criminals think twice before acting.

GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

However, punishment decisions should be made according to different specific situations. Because

different reasons and motivations lead to people committing a crime, penalties should not be the

same. This law system shows that we highly respect A human’s rights which means even WHEN they are criminals, they still have a chance to be punished fairly. That’s the reason why judges and juries exist. Moreover, lots of exceptions are not suitable for fixed penalties. For instance, to commit suicide and kill somebody in self-protection situations are not crimes as a murder, therefore we cannot punish them following fixed punishments. Thus, we should consider all factors in order to investigate why they break the law before penalties.

 

In brief, I admit that fixed punishments are efficient when handling some COMMONclassical cases and deter potential criminals, nevertheless, I believe all factors should be considered for NO:an each individual crime when deciding on the punishment.

 

C&C

All flows, and connects and both the conclusion, introduction and P!, P2, all linked together.

 

Task Response.

Answered fully the question, including your opinion.

 

Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Varied range of structures and correct use of linking devices.

 

Vocabulary.

Topic specific vocabulary where ever possible, excellent.

 

 

in self-protection situations are not crimes as a murder,

in self-protection situations are not the same as a murder,

 

ADVANCED ADVICE!!

the police do not have enough time to investigate

the police lack time to investigate

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